PMDD Diaries /

PMDD Diaries: Prostap Month 4

It’s time for another update on my treatment for PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). If you’re new here you’ll want to catch up here:

14/12/2022-12/01/2022

The previous month’s change in HRT knocked me sideways and sent me to a very dark place. The gynae team decided that I should come off Kliofem, the combined HRT I had been taking, as the progesterone content could be the culprit.

Injection No. 4

Again I was given the option to refuse the injection. The nurse mentioned that month four of injections is usually the sweet spot, about the time that most people with PMDD report a real positive difference.

Spurred on by this glimmer of hope I accepted the injection.

New consultant

Around this time it was arranged for me to switch to a different consultant as the one I was previously under was reducing his clinics even more. I actually never met him and was always seen by a junior member of his team!

My new consultant was in clinic much more regularly and an emergency appointment was made for me to suss out my HRT and try to get to the bottom of my continued bleeding.

As I seemed to have tolerated it well before the mood episode that ended up in a trip to hospital in an ambulance, I asked to give Tibolone another go, especially as I’d noticed it had a particularly positive effect on any vaginal dryness which was a major source of stress at this time. Sure enough after a few days I noticed a return of the very thick, ovulation style discharge that I had in the first week of starting Tibolone first time round, which in turn alleviated the pain I was experiencing last month. Yay!

Surviving Trauma Season

At this point we were in the middle of December and getting on for Christmas and New Year’s which are always a time of elevated stress for me and those around me due to my trauma anniversaries.

I always try to take it easy at this time of year as I know I’m vulnerable to acute episodes of mental health difficulties relating to my complex PTSD. The PTSD and PMDD power combo are a deeply unpleasant pairing and I often found some of my PTSD symptoms are worse during my luteal phase (known as premenstrual exacerbation, or PME), especially my chronic nightmares.

However trauma anniversaries while in a menopausal state was new ground.

Christmas wasn’t too terrible. I spent it with my family at my Dad’s house, joined by my sister and Mum on Christmas day which was the first Christmas with all of us since my parents divorced which was a nice novelty.

While the events around me were pleasant, I was still dealing with overwhelming anxiety that was exhausting and leading to even worse fatigue than usual, which meant I spent quite a bit of time going upstairs to nap. On top of that I came down with a seasonal cold, grumble grumble.

NYE

New Year’s Eve fell on day 17.

This annoyingly memorable date is my primary trauma trigger and I’m never quite sure how I’m gonna react. Past years have resulted in me frantically dismantle my bedroom furniture and have to buy everything new, whereas another occasion saw me camping in the bathroom of a Premier Inn in Exeter violently vomiting until there was nothing left to expel.

I dissociate and often don’t know what my brain and body have been up to in the meantime!

This time I attempted a distraction by attending a friend’s birthday party at a kink venue with my partner. This was a huge mistake as, while it was a birthday celebration, everyone inevitably brought up the “other thing” and I lost control. I’m not going into detail as it doesn’t feel relevant, and I’m unsure if my menopausal state exacerbated the circumstances or if was all my trauma brain going off on one and preying on some relationship insecurities.

More spotting

I started having some light bleeding on day 20 which continued up until my next injection.

I spent this time feeling extremely depressed and guilty about my behaviour at New Year’s. I didn’t feel like I was really on the planet (again possibly trauma brain, hormone weirdness or a combination of demons), with very poor concentration and memory.

Additionally my pain levels were a little worse than normal (though at this point my “normal” was NOT normal!), with pelvic cramping, muscle aches and the vile joint pain. I compared the feeling in my hands and fingers at its worst as similar to when I got one trapped in a car door.

I also had a flare up of vulval dryness and tearing which was the worst I’d dealt with in years since coming off hormonal contraception.

So all in all…

Things were still pretty miserable. While my symptoms or side effects (or whatever the fuck they were) were no longer on a routine cycle, I wasn’t getting the respite I would previously have for two weeks after an actual period.

Resources:

Enjoying this content? Please consider supporting beingthelittlespoon.com using the Ko-Fi button below!

Related Topics

You Might Also Like

PMDD Diaries: Prostap Month 3

PMDD Diaries: Prostap Month 3

PMDD Diaries: Prostap Month 2

PMDD Diaries: Prostap Month 2

PMDD Diaries: Prostap Month 1

PMDD Diaries: Prostap Month 1

Back to top
Skip to content