As a queer identifying AFAB human, strap-on sex (with any gender) is a sex act very dear to me.

Today I’m gonna talk about a vital component of this… harnesses!

Strap-on harnesses come in a few tried and tested styles. I’m going to cover the two styles I personally use and that are probably the most popular on the market, as well as a couple of mini reviews of my favourite models. Let’s goooo!

Traditional “Jock Style” Harnesses

This is the style you will have probably seen before and if not, a quick Google search of “strap-on harness” will certainly give you the main gist.

“Traditional” two strap/jock strap style harnesses can be made from many different materials depending on your aesthetic and ethical values and budget.

You can pick up a basic one made from nylon webbing with a fabric driver pad for under £30 or, even better, a set with a harness and a couple of silicone dils to experiment with (my recommendation for first timers just wanting to test the waters).  Fancier materials such as more luxurious fabrics, rubber and leather are also options.

The two strap style frames and flatters bums of every size and leaves the wearer’s genitals and butt open for other types of play. Woo!

This style is very supportive once you’ve got it fitting correctly. I find that basically want all the straps to be as tight as what is still comfortable for optimum dildo control. Different fabrics are going to have their own pros and cons for comfort – I personally really hate nylon webbing straps as I find the edges too rough between my legs! Fabric or leather are much more my thing.

Disclaimer: At the time of writing, despite trying to lessen my use of animal derived products, I still use and wear leather.

Aslan Leather Jaguar Review

Ahhh yes. The Aslan Jaguar was my first and still the favourite of my harness collection. This harness is very popular with many strap on enthusiasts and it’s not hard to see why.

It has a really sleek design that bears anatomy in mind. It looks amazing on all body shapes and the O-ring has been placed lower down than usual so that the dildo base can provide some degree of clitoral stimulation for the wearer. You can either pop your dildo of choice through the hole in the driver pad or alternatively, if the shaft is too thick, you can snap out the O-ring and switch it to a larger one (not included). The Aslan Jaguar is also compatible with strapless strap ons, more on those later.

The leather is beautifully soft garment leather that does not need a “breaking in” period. It is comfortable from the get go and warms to body temperature and conforms to feel almost like a second skin. It’s just dead sexy okay?!

The Jaguar harness is also available in a vegan option (which is on my wishlist!) and also has the option of the beautiful “Minx” corset back upgrade for extra support that I highly recommend.

My only issue with Aslan products is the metal hardware. On the care label it suggests you coat the metal components with clear nail polish which I highly recommend doing. My first harness suffered terribly with tarnishing and rusting, however I was able to have it replaced under Aslan’s lifetime guarantee. The two I’ve had since are still super shiny years later with the nail polish treatment so it was worth that extra bit of effort. I still think given the price of the product, the metal components should be stainless steel.

As it’s leather, you want to take care of it as much as you would a good pair of shoes. Do not get it too wet or let it stay damp for long as that is asking for trouble! For vulva owners, I recommend wearing some description of underwear (it can be tiny!) just to protect and prolong the life of the leg straps. This is not necessary, just my preference.

The Jag is available in two sizes – small and large. My black one is a large and my blue/white one (pictured above) is a small. There is no size difference in the driver pad, the hip straps on the large are just slightly longer. I am a UK 16 with 44″ hips and the small fits me fine. Aslan recommends the small for hips smaller than 30″ and reckon the large should fit up to 60″ hips which is a fairly inclusive size range.

~ Update – February 2024: ~

Überkinky have sadly stopped stocking Aslan products, but they have their own range of leather harnesses in similar styles.

Check out the similar Cheeky Chaps harness or Obsession harness which has a corset back.

For a high quality vegan traditional jock style harness SpareParts Joque.

Strap & Bound Denim Harness Review

A vegan option! The Strap & Bound harness is handmade in Germany and made of lovely quality denim. On the Fun Factory website, it is recommended for wearers size 34-44 which is a UK 4-16. I sit at the highest end of that range as a UK 16 and have no fitting issues, as you can see in the photo, I have a fair few inches of strap free but I prefer to wear this one really tight!

The Strap & Bound has a large built in O-ring that can’t be switched out. I have used dildos with a circumference of just under 6″ without issue but it won’t fit anything with more girth.

I love the simplicity of this harness. While it has no driver pad, it holds the dildo in a similar position to the Aslan Jaguar with the base in the vicinity of my clit which is nice and also makes thrusting more intuitive. It is also perfect for supporting strapless strap-ons and is my go to harness for that style of toy.

It is really easy to care for as it can go in the washing machine if things get messy.

I even recommend this harness for folks with a penis! Either for adding an extra dick for some double penetration, or just supporting a dildo on its own for users who perhaps struggle with erectile dysfunction or just want to use a toy on their partner in this manner. My partner and I have tried this a couple of times and it was great fun!

I don’t have a recommended retailer the Strap & Bound at the moment, but here’s a similar offering from Überkinky. Alternatively, you can get a similar effect to support a strapless strap-on by removing the driver pad from a standard harness like this one.

Underwear Style Harnesses

These harnesses are totally different to a traditional jock style and are extremely popular owing to how simple they are to wear. You just pull them on like a pair of pants. Done! No fiddly straps or buckles which is great for users who struggle with hand/joint issues.

They are available in a number of different underwear styles. There are more “feminine” “panty” style options with lace and detachable suspenders, crotchless styles or ones that are more like a simple pair of boxer shorts. They’re pretty unisex, there’s something for everyone.

They are super comfy and can be used for strop-on sex or for gender expression to hold a packer in place or, with the right kind of toy, maybe a bit of both!

SpareParts HardWear Sasha Lingerie Harness Review

SpareParts make top of the line fabric harnesses second to none. Their Joque (jock style) harness is a highly commended traditional style that is also on my wishlist.

The Sasha I’m modelling here is more of a lingerie piece with its detachable suspender straps and adjustable ribbons. Fancy! It also has two internal pockets for a bullet vibrator intended to stimulate both partners. SpareParts spare no attention to detail and function and you also get a storage pouch and lingerie bag to ensure no damage in the washing machine.

Sasha is very form fitting and the waist band is tight. I could probably do with a size or two up and this does put me off wearing it that often – the muffin top is real!

I really like the adjustable ribbons and the ruching detail at the back. I don’t actually use the suspenders (though I should have taken a picture in them!) but I think they’re a really sexy touch. Sasha has a built in O-ring that has some stretch to it. I could fit a 5.5″ circumference dildo in it easily.

While I can’t find a stockist specifically for the Sasha, The Pleasure Garden stocks a selection of other harnesses by SpareParts Hardwear, including more masc styles for gender expression, at great prices.

Other Styles to Check Out

Strapless Strap-Ons

So I’ve mentioned them a few times already, time to address what these damn things actually are and what they do!

Strapless strap-ons are specially shaped double ended dildos. One end is designed to be worn in a vagina while the other, longer end is for penetrating a partner. Some models have additional features such as vibration or suction to add more clitoral stimulation. I am fond of these toys but don’t exactly recommend them – at least if you’re just starting out.

For starters, them being “strapless” is a bare faced lie! While some vaginas may be able to hold a weighty silicone dick for a while, they are infinitely easier and more pleasurable to use with the aid of a strap (a harness), even if it’s just a minimal one like the Strap & Bound to maintain as much skin to skin contact as possible.

Being penetrated while penetrating sounds like a dream for some, but in practice, not every “strapless” toy is going to fit each individual’s anatomy or be comfortable. It’s so hit and miss and these toys are expensive too!

If you absolutely must try one, I have personally enjoyed Fun Factory‘s offerings (the Share and the ShareVibe) and Lovehoney has a good selection including some pretty solid own brand options.

G-String/Thong Back Harnesses

This is entirely a personal preference thing, but I’m not into thong back harnesses. They just don’t offer as much support as I would like compared to jock strap styles, they also don’t leave any vulva or butt access and a lot of pressure on my vulva can trigger chronic pain issues.

They exist but I’m struggling to find a good quality example!

Thigh Strap-On Harnesses

These are exactly what they sound like – dildo harnesses that strap to the wearer’s thigh.

These are amazingly intimate and I can think of plenty ideas for kink scenarios and also as a tool for disabled couples where hip harnesses might not be appropriate. Lovehoney helpfully stock a plus size version and another designed for dual-penetration too.

Hand Harnesses

Great for partnered or solo sex, for folks who may struggle with their grip or wielding toys for a longer period of time. I don’t have a specific recommendation or link for these, but I have seen them made by independent sellers at fetish markets and on Etsy!

There you have it! I hope this guide has been helpful.

Affiliate links have been used in this post.

This post was not sponsored and all products are my own.

This post was not sponsored and all products are my own.

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